New Writing

As I look into the eyes of my son, I realize that I now have a better understanding of the nature of God.  I never really thought that having a son would bring me to a higher stage of enlightenment.  I guess I see my relationship with my son as microcosmic of the relationship God has with all of humanity.  I see glimpses of this everyday.  I see it in the way he looks, the way he behaves, the way I discipline him and the way I don’t.  I see it in the times I stand right behind him ready to catch him and the times when I stand back and allow him to fall.

When he was first born, a little less than a year ago, I was thrilled, happy, excited and nervous.  I knew that I had helped to create this life and as the child’s father I would now have to raise, care for and nurture this little man.  It would be my responsibility to make sure food is always on the table.  It would be my responsibility to provide this little boy with shelter, love, guidance and discipline.  I knew in that moment, I would have to be his everything. 

Thinking of this, I wondered if God Himself was filled with some of these same emotions when we were first created.   Was He filled with a nervous anticipation wondering how exactly to shape a world that would satisfy his new children?  Did he debate and wonder how to guide us, lead us and if necessary discipline us?  Did he ever think there would be a time when he could let go of us and allow us to venture out on our own?  

I know that in the last year I have had many of these feelings I believe God would have had when we were created.  My son, who many people say looks like me while others say he looks more like my wife, is still in some way big or small made and created in my image.  It may be in his behaviors, physical appearance, talents, likes and interests but he is of me, just as we are all of God.  Knowing that I had some part of bringing this child into the world heightened my desire to do well by him.  It raised the level of seriousness.  I remember when my wife and I first discovered she was pregnant; we were overwhelmed by the idea of being “good” parents whatever that means.  We joked and both agreed that we would just shoot for “mediocre.”  But now I know “mediocre” just won’t do.   

So how and what should I do to be more than just mediocre?  God may have asked the same thing of Himself.  He too may have wondered how to be more than just “mediocre.”  He too may have wondered; how am I going to be a “good” father to all of the children I have created?  I know now that there really isn’t one simple answer to that question.  There isn’t one simple answer to this question because good is such an arbitrary and ambiguous term.  For some good is very simply putting a roof over a child’s head and putting food in his belly.  For others it is never holding a child responsible for any of their actions.  For others it is just spoiling them with materialistic goods.  While for others, good is smothering a child with so much attention that he thinks the world does and always should revolve around him. 

With all of these varying definitions aside, I can think of only one thing that helps to guide me as a parent.  There is one thing that I use as a barometer for measuring my actions as a parent.  This one thing is something my wife said when she was still pregnant with our son, “You have to remember, we are not raising a baby or a child.  We are raising a man.”  That simple phrase said it all.  From that point forward, I realized that everything I did would have to prepare my child for adulthood.  Now I understand that our lives here are God’s way of preparing our souls for the afterlife.  This existence here is nothing more than a long childhood.     

So, now the question is; how do I prepare a child to become a man?  This in itself raises many questions.  One, how does a person define what a man is?  Is a man simply the male of the species or is a man something more than just that?  Well, quite frankly, being a man is more than just being the male of the species.  I would imagine that all of us would have quite different definitions of what being a man is.  But deep down as men we need to ask ourselves, what is it that we feel makes us men?  What is it that we think, do, believe and feel that allows us to walk around with our heads held high proclaiming that, “Yes, we are men.”

I guess in actuality it would take a man a lifetime to truly understand what it means to be a man.  I know that over the course of my life my definition of manhood has changed based in part on the stage of my life.  I just hope that I can show and guide my son through his own definition of manhood.  I know that I will try my best to lead through example.  I will do everything I can to exemplify through my speech and my actions what I believe a true man should be.  I want him to know and understand that a man is one who stands up for himself and his beliefs.  I want him to know and understand that a true man does not give up.  I want him to know and understand that as long as a man’s back is strong, he will never be out of work.  I want him to know and understand that a real man puts the needs of his family first.  I want him to know and understand that a true man knows how to choose his battles wisely.  There is so much more I want him to know and understand. 

So you ask, “What does this have to do with God?”  Simple, God Himself has lessons He tries to teach us.  To show us how to act and treat others, he sent his Son down to us.  With the writing of the Ten Commandments God has given us a basic set of rules with which to live by.  And although my rules may not be carved into stone tablets, there will be rules for my son to follow as well.

As many people do, I have asked myself, “Why does God allow human suffering in the world?  Why does God allow us to stumble and suffer failure?” To me it made no sense.  I accepted it.  I knew that it was part of God’s plan.  However, I did not know why.  Then one day, my little boy pulled himself up next to the couch.  There he was in all of his glory standing up.  Steadying himself on the edge of the couch, one could see the look of pride in his face and then, boom.  He fell and hit his head on the table.  As his father, I could have stood with my hands only centimeters away from his body ready to catch him at the slightest hint of falling.  But (and here is where my definition of manhood comes in) I let him stand on his own and I let him fall on his own.  No, this was not because I am a lazy and inattentive father.  It was because of that sense of pride I saw on his face when he was standing, if but for a moment, on his own.  Then like a good father, I told him that he was alright, not to cry and to get up again. 

Maybe, just maybe this is why God lets us suffer.  It’s not out of cruelty or anger.  It’s just because he too wants to see that look of pride on our faces when we accomplish something.  It’s because he wants to watch us grow and become strong in the same way I want my son to grow and be strong.

So, do I fully understand all that God does?   No, that would be arrogant.  I truly believe that one can never truly have a full understanding of the nature of God.  Maybe in the afterlife, we’ll all sit down in some big conference room and all will be explained to us.  Until then, I will continue to watch my son grow and know that in some small way he can help me understand things better.